Trials
by Taco Grande
Summary: Just another day in the fort, but this time the team are off to see if they are good enough to keep their jobs with some hilarious outcomes...
1. It begins

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Team Fortress 2. It is property of Valve.

**Day 1**

"Alright maggots!" the Soldier shouted "We've all been called here for an inspection by the RED company. I've been told that theres going to be a women from command and she's gonna sit down with all you panty waistes and see if your all are using your skills to the best you possibly can! And for those of you who fail this little 'exam' will be thrown off the team to never be seen again and you will be replaced by someone who is your better in every way. They will be better... stronger... faster... we have the technology! But, i have no doubt that you will all pass with flying colours!". The soldier paused for a brief moment. "Hmmm, this reminds me of the time that Abraham Lincoln won World War II by punching out all of his adversaries and then beating them with a fish!... now the fish wasnt just any kind of a fish, no no, this fish woulda had to have been..."

The scout lent over to the Heavy "Hey buddy, whats he going on about over there?"

"I not know, i tuned out after fish was mentioned, hopefully this rant go on for shorter this time."

"Yes a Mackerel! Only a Mackerel could cause quite enough damage to his enimies!" The soldier continued "But even with the Mackerel in hand, both Lincolns Back and sides where still exposed for his enimies to take advantage off... thats where the turtle shell came in! But to get a big enough shell, a man would have to..."

"ZOLDIER!" the medic shouted, "Maybe ve should get back to the zubject of zis Vomen who is coming in? Unless you vould like to continue to vaste all of our team mates time on your zilly little rants?"

"ZILLY LITTLE RANTS!?!?! I am just trying to give our team some insight in what to do if you are faced with a situation common to the great war of the worlds II which Arbraham Lincoln won single handedly!!!"

"Sigh... Abraham Lincoln vas not in Vorld Vor two, nor did he ever use a vish and some kind of turtle shell to kill people vith..."

The Soldier fell silent "..... well La Dee Da! Look at me! Im za Medicz! Im a god damn expect on GEOGRAPHY!"

"...histroy."

The soldier turned to the Sniper "What?"

"Its not Geography mate, its 'istory... geography is the knowledge of land, weather and what not."

All of the sudden the soldier let out a giant yell and left the room, tossing over some chairs and tables as he stormed his way out whilst mubbleing under his breathe. With everyone confused on what had just transpired, they all just stood their in silence.

The spy looked at his team mates and raised an eyebrow "So what was that about a women?"

_((Im not too sure how often im gonna update this, so if anyone does like it, please let me know so i can continue to try and make some people laugh whilst struggeling with a storyline lol))_


	2. A little hard?

**Day 2**

"Morrning Maggots!" The solider exclaimed, obviously much more calm now than the previous day. "Remember that women i mentioned yesterday about the inspection? Well shes here, and shes ready to give you all your own personal little interviews!"

"Personal you say?" the spy asked whilst tightening his tie around his neck. "So when we are with this women, we will be alone? yes?"

"Cut it out laddie! This ladys here to check our skill, not our mouths, so keep a leash on it for once!" the demoman shouted from behind.

"Do not worry my one eyed friend. She will deffinately get a look at my *ahem*... skills." The spy turned to the demoman and gave him a wink.

The demoman facepalmed "Ahhh, fer the love of saint andrews. If i wern't so drunk, i'd make sure you wouldnt even come within a metre of this women!"

The soldier interupted the demo and spys conversation "Well dont worry boys! These interviews wont be singularly, she's decided to take on two of you at a time in these interviews to make the inspection quicker so we can get back to our duties."

"Shes going to take on two of us at a time you say?" the spy said with a dirty grin on his face as his mind was in the gutter.

"Yes! Thats right spy, two men will go in and two will come out, whilst in there she will put you to work make you boys sweat, put you to the test see if you can satisfy her needs that she requires from each of you until you beg and plead her to stop, but she wont stop there, hell no, you will go on until her voice is horse from screaming out your names and you collapse in exhaustion from the sheer brutalness you will be put through..."

"Vat ze hell are you going on about zoldier?" the medic asked.

"What? Im just explaining that the trials and tests you men will be put through will be very hard."

"I think im a little hard." the spy noted.

"You will need to be hard, hard as nails to be able to survive these trials!" the soldier said without realizing the spys meaning to what he said. "So now, without any further interuptions, the first pair to be called in to see this women are..." the solider took a pause as he looked at the checklist he had. "Engineer and Demoman!"

The Engineer looked to the soldier "Wait a sec partner... i dont understand... so are we having sex with this women or not?"


	3. REDy to go

_(There may be a few gay jokes in the up coming chapter and probably more to come afterwards, but i would like to state now that this is not a yaoi and will not be one, i got no problem with them though, its just that i dont want people thinking it may become one)_

**Day 3**

The next day, after alot of elaberation to the Engineer, he and the demoman where ready for whatever was about to be thrown at them. The engineer with his keypad and tool boxes on hand and the demoman taking one last swig of his bottle of vodka where ready for some action.

The soldier approached them, "Alright listen up. I've found out that the trials will be undertaken at some other complex and not here at the fort, so ther will be a Automobile Car-o-mobile waiting for you two downstairs in about five minutes. Im not sure what you guys are going too encounter in these trials, but im sure you can pull it out!" The soldier stopped and looked at the demoman half asleep and the engineer playing with his thumbs "Enginner mah Boy, i want you too have this..." The soldier pulled out hs shovel and placed it in the engineers hands. "This shovel has gotten me through alot of carnage through-out the past few years, and im giving it too you as im sure you're gonna need it".

The engineer gave the soldier a weird look "Wait... carnage? Theres gonna be carnage in these trials? No one ever said anything about carnage!"

The soldier paused "Erm... of course theres NOT gonna be any carnage! Dont be silly!" The soldier unconvincingly confessed.

"So then why would i need it if theres gonna be no carnage? Theres no point in giving me a weapon made for carnage if im not gonna be getting myself in any carnage! So how about you just take it back then?"

"No, no, i think you're gonna need it for the carnage".

"But you just said..."

"And Demoman, dont think ive forgotten about you!" The soldier shouted with the engineer now crying in his hands about how he's gonna die from all the carnage."Ok demoman, you may need to be sober for this one, so im gonna have to take your alcohol away". As the soldier reacher for the bottle of vodka the demoman suddenly opened his eyes and grabbed the soldiers wrist and moved it into a twisting motion.

"HAH! Not bloody likely matie!"

"Demoman!" The soldier shouted "Let go of my wrist and GIVE... ME... THE VODKA!"

"YOU'D HAVE TO PRY IF FROM MAH DEAD, BLACK, SCOTTISH, HAGGIS LOVIN' HANDS BEFORE YA'D GET IT OFFA ME!" With that the demoman took another swig of his vodka, only to realise it was empty. "Ah? Theres no more left... alrighty, here yah go". And with that the demoman let go of soldier and tossed the bottle into his hands.

"Alright, thats better!" the soldier said whilst rubbing his wrist "Now i think that Car-a-move-a-majig should be here by now to pick you both up, so you better get going". With that, the two nodded to the soldier and gave him a wave as he gave them a salute just as they where leaving.

The soldier thought to himself " Jeeze, they may be a pussy and a drunk, but damn they got fine ass's..." The soldiers body suddenly jolted "Where the F*CK did that come from? Damn, i seriously gotta stop reading those yaoi fanfic's".

(Part Two)

Later when the demoman and the engineer got outside the fort...

"Wheres that damn Transportation-a-nator?" the engineer asked

"You mean the car laddie?"

"Yeh, sorry, i think some of the soldiers retardedness has started to infect me".

"I know what you're talkin' about. We listen to him go on and on every bloody day and i swear to himself that i'm actually forgetting how to count".

"Yeh i know." The engineer smerked " Remember that time that the soldier actually forgot how to breathe during one of his rants?"

The demonman started laughing "Oh yeh! I remember that. He was callapsed on the floor and his face was going purple!"

"Yeh and then the heavy had too give him mouth to mouth? That was so funny!"

"It was interesting though that the next day the soldier had herpes on his mouth".

"Yeh... i tend to not think about that too much".

There was a silence that swept the two for a few moments as they where waiting for the car. Until the demoman reached down his pants.

"Hey laddie, wanna look at what i smuggled along?"

"OH FUCK NO!" the engineer shouted

"Ta Da!" The demoman had in his hand a bottle of some sort of alcohol with only a label marking X X X X on it. "This is mah sercret stash i keep with me at all times in the emergencies when i think im about to sober up. Want a swig?"

The engineer gave the demoman a frown, "Ick! I never touch the stuff. I've been sober my whole life". The demoman looked at the engineer with a look on his face which would make even the most scared victims in a horror movie go 'Ooooo, that guys good!'

The engineer continued "And even though i respect your right to drink whateva you want, you really shouldn't be drinking before we do our trials coz you heard the soldier, if we fuck up, we're gone..."

The demoman stood there quietly weighing out the options whether or not it was worse to lose the best job he had ever had or to be sober. The demoman sighed "I guess your right laddie, i wouldnt want to go make a bloody mess of things right now." The demoman paused "My life is actually pretty good..."

"You said it partner".

The engineer then put his arm around the demoman as they both stood there and looked into the sky.

"You faggots ready?" A voice from behind shouted

Both men turned to see a long black car stretched out across the road behind them and another man leaning on it in a black suit.

The demoman shouted back, "So are you the boy that be picking us up today?"

"D-d-did i fucking stutter? Get in the car!"

The engineer and demoman looked at each other, shrugged and entered the car. The driver then got back into the car aswell and looked back at the two briefly.

"Damn it was easy to get you guys into this car... you're lucky in not a rapist." And with that the two looked at each other with a puzzled look and the car drove off to the unknown location.


	4. TF Inc

**Day 4**

After a long, long, car ride the two team mates where there and as they stood out of the car they came face to face with a building that could seem to be 200 stories high and seemed to have no end to it's side and behind.

"Damn... so this is it." The engineer said as he started to read the words on the front of the building "Tactical Foundries. inc, Where the armys of tomorrow are killed today... by us..."

The demoman looked up at the lettering on the building aswell "Wow, thats quite a statement they're making there, arent they laddie?"

"It sure is partner... it sure is." As the engineer said that, he got a pain in his gut... he knew a storm was a coming.

"I think its starting to rain." The demoman stated "We should probably get in 'ere."

The engineer just gave the demoman a seriouse look and whispered "..... i knew it."

After a quick run into the building and a bit of a shake off the two where instantly mesmerized by what they where seeing all around them. The walls were a shiney metalic colour with not a spec of dirt, the ceiling looked like it had no end, there were werid mechanical type cameras buzzing about everywhere without stopping once, the people were also constanly on the move except for this one man who walked passed the two and stopped. "Hey" the man said as he pointed at demoman "You cant come in here with those LIVE GRENADES attached to your vest!" He then turned to the engineer "and you, the country bumpkin, is that a shotgun in our holster? You got to be kidding me... im going to go get security..." With that the man turned to leave but was suddenly caught by something... it was the engineers hand. As the man turned, the engineer slowly pulled out his shotgun and planted it right in the guys face.

"Knock Knock..." the engineer said

"What? What the hell are you doing?" the man started to yelp.

"I said KNOCK KNOCK!"

"Ok, ok, whos there?"

"Shotgun."

"Shotgun wh-." And with that, a sudden blow was heard and half of the guys face was blown and painted onto the wall.

The engineer dropped the mans corpse "I've neva seen a country bumpkin do that so i guess... im not a fucking country bumpkin." he mumbled to himself.

The engineer looked at the demoman who was looking just straight ahead of him at all of the security coming their way. "I know how ya get sometimes laddie, but did ya really need to paint the wall with 'is brains? Coz i think we're gonna die now."

"It was worth it." The engineer mumbled "...it was worth it." And with that there was a wall on security standing right around the two ready to move in with just one word.

"Hold on! Hold on!" a british voice seemed to mumble.

The two looked around, puzzled from what was going to happen next. The engineer raised his shotgun and the demoman raised his grenade launcher preparing for a fight when suddenly a small thinly women pushed herself through the guards. "Everyone move back... I said move the hell away!" This indeed was where the british mumbling was coming from, and with that yell, the guards dispersed and moved back to where they origionally came from.

The women lent over and panted as she seemed to catch her breath. "Oh, im so sorry about that." The women clicked her fingers as two men seemed to come straight from the walls and clean up the bloody corpse that was staining the floor and walls. "Im sorry about that, he had only just started and hadn't been told you gentlemen were coming in today."

The demoman looked at the women and took another swig of his alcohol just too make sure he wasnt asleep. "Who the bloody hell are you missy? And what the hells goin' on here?"

The women looked at the demoman, "Right, right, im sorry. Ahem" She cleared her throat and straightened herself up "Im Abigail Holsim, and dont worry yourself about what just transpired. Me and my colleges know exactly who you two are and we're looking forward to seeing how you progress today in our examinations?"

The engineer still a little zoned out from what just happened just stood their quietly whilst the demoman carryed on "Oh, so you're the lass that're testing out me and my friend today and decideing on whether or not we keep our jobs, aye?

Abigail looked at the two confusingly before seeming to realize something "Oh yes, thats right, the test's... yes well we're hoping you two will do a good job today and will show us what you both have in store because all of us here at TF Inc. know all about you men and your team and are looking forward to see what you can show us." And with that the two were whisked away down a hallway just as the mess they had left was being cleaned up.

The demoman looked at the engineer and asked him "You alright boy? That guy really got to you didnt he?"

"No..." the engineer stated. "It wasnt that..."

"Then what was it? Was it the killing part, coz i've seen you do things like that plenty 'o' times?"

"No... its just... its just..."

"YES?"

"I just found out i have cancer..."

"What the hell engi?!?! Are you seriouse???"

"Nah... im just fucking wit ya. Ha ha! You shoulda seen your face! How the fuck would i find out in that time i just spent RIGHT next to you, that i had cancer? Damn demo, you're too fuckin easy." The engineer whiped his tears from his eyes from the laughter "Hoo ha! Killin always gets me in a good mood... todays gonna be a fun day"

With that the engineer kept on walking down the hallway besides a with the demomans jaw dropped down to the floor. The demoman collected himself and carryed on behind the two whilst thinking to himself "Ha ha, i have cancer blah blah blah. Fuckin idiot. I'll give you fuckin cancer in a minute. I dont know what that means, but i'll fuckin do it."


	5. Guitar Hero

**Day 4 - Back at the Fort.**

As the two men walked off, the solider sighed. "Well." He said to himself, "i guess its time to get back to work... those BLU's ain't gonna kill themselves."

As the soldier continued his way back to the fort he saw the spy waiting outside smoking a cigarette. "You know it should have been me..." the spy mumbled

"Whats that?"

"ME! You asshole!" the spy shouted back

"What in lincolns cheesy beard are you talkin about son?

The spy gave the solider a puzzled look then snapped back into his origional anger "It should have been me to go see this women first. Not that damn engineer and demoman. I'm busting at the seams here. I havent seen anything even close to a women since my time back in paris!"

"What about the time the heavy dressed in a school girls outfit and jumped out of the snipers birthday cake?"

"Yeh, it was a bit awkward when the sniper asked 'why is the cake so damn big' and 'where is the heavy' and then put two and two together... but thats besides the point!"

"Look boy, dont think you're the only one who gets a bit 'lonely' down here, but your just going to have to buck up until this war is over."

The soldier started to pound his fists together "Just look at it this way, when we kill all of those nazi, jew lovin sons of bitches, we will all finally be able to go home and make love to who ever we want, but until then just try and hold it together."

"So." The spy started to say "You say as soon as all these BLU's are done with, you say we will have won and can go home, no?"

"Yes!" The soldier started to chuckle to himself "As soon as ALL of the Blu's are gone, we can finally go home, but i mean thats probably gonna be years away. Coz i mean whos gonna stop them me? or you?" And as soldier said that he turned to the spy who had seemed to vanish into thin air. The soldier thought to himself "Heh heh, those damn kids and thier dreams of clock radios and winning wars in only moments." And with that the soldier turned to the front doors and walked in to see the rest of his team mates whilst a nearby spy hid, ready to take the fight to the BLU base. "I may be just one lone spy, but they dont know just how dangerous a man can be when he is fueled with the promise..... to fuck..."

As the soldier entered the fort, he walked into the main room to sit down and have a rest in his special arm chair. As the soldier sat their in a laze he couldnt help but watch the scout and medic at the tv with some sort of plastic guitar looking things in their hands. They were playing guitar hero...

The scout started to sing a long to the song they where playing to "Exit light! Enter night! Take my hand... off to never never land..." the scout stopped singing "Cummon four eyes, im creamin ya! You may be good at usin' that healin' gun of yours, but this aint no ubercharge!"

The medic gave a quick glance at the scout before turning back to the screen, "Yes it deffinately iz not no ubercharger, and next time if you are on fire, bleeding or are just about to die, dont expect me to help you!"

"Ah, dont worry!" the scout said all cocky "I've got way too much skills to get hurt like all you other chumps..... BOO YEH!" And with that, the match was finished with the scout having a much higher score than the medic. "Ah ha ha! I knew it! I knew i'd beat the hell outta you in this game! I AM THE MASTER OF GUITAR HERO!"

As the scout started to do his little victory dance a man moved out from the shadows in the back off the room... it was the pyro.

"Mur ha ha ha ha!" The pyro said in his regular mumbled fashion.

"Oh you want some too, eh?" The scout asked,"Ok! But lets make this interesting. Loser gets a full body cavity search from medic, and winner, by that i mean me, gets to keep the guitar hero?"

The pyro just stared at the scout and gave him one slow nod.

"Ohhhh! This'll be perfect." he laughed I'll do to you as i just did to the medic." the scout paused for a second "...don't mess with me pal, im a Force 'A' Nature!"

And with that, the pyro took the plastic guitar out off the medics hand, put the sash around his body and stood their staring at the scout, ready for the game to start.

"Alright hothead! lets go then!" And with that the scout put a serious look onto his face and stared back at the pyro. "So? Yah gonna choose a song or wut?"

The pyro turned to the screen scrolled down through the songs until he reached his choice... 'The Ring of Fire.'

As the the song started, the two got off to a perfect start. Not a sing note had been missed by either. The medic stood in the background cheering for the pyro "Cummon you pyromaniac! Show zat scout vat it takes to play vith ze big boyz!" and with that the medic pulled back his glove and let it go to make a snapping noise to remind what will hapen to the loser.

The two went on perfectly for a while until the pyro missed one of the notes. The scout noticed this, but kept on going whilst bringing a big grin onto his face. As the scout was playing, he yelled back to the medic, "Hey Doc! Maybe if you put some lipstick on your glove it wont make old hothead here so embaressed... he might just think its i date." And with the song almost over, the scout knew he was going to be the victor... but then it happened.

After playing the game a bit too much that day, the scouts hands started to cramp. He knew it and the medic started to notice it aswell. He may have been only 5 notes away from the end before... his hands contracted and he wasnt able to push the buttons. It happened so quick, yet... the game was over. The pyro had won, and with that the pyro turned to now a nervice looking scout, pulled out his axe and... started playing it like a guitar whilst making the sound effects and everything. The scout just turned his head in annoyance and caught a glimpse of the medic beckoning the scout to come over.

"You know ze rules." medic said "Time to drop zem."

And so, the scout dropped his pants as the medic pulled his glove on tight. "Dont vorry." the he said "I applied ze lipstick..."


	6. The suicide bomber

Day 4 - Back at TF Inc.

"Alright boys!" Abigail said, "After you two walk thorugh this door their is no coming back out. You WILL be hurt and you may just possibly be killed, so if you have decided not to enter, please speak now."

The insinuation of death only made the engineers blood boil with excitment as he thought of staring death in the face today, whilst the demoman just looked around without even seeming the least bit hesitant.

"Alright, since i seem to have no objections, your trial begins not now... NOW!!!" With that Abigail pushed a panel on the wall and the floor beneath the demoman and engineer vanished and the two went plummeting down.

After a few seconds of falling the two hit the floor, hard. "Argh! That bloody Vixen!" The demoman shouted "Did ye' really have to do that now lassy?" The demomans words only echoded up the ceiling and no reply was heard.

Suddenly a silhouette of a man appeared from the darkness. "Ah Engineer, can i call you engi? haha Alright! And demoman, me black scottish cyclops friend, whats shaking?"

The two where dumbfounded as to what was happening. "Ummm, and you are lad?"

"Oh dont worry who i am, just worry about these sticks of dynamite i have stuck to my chest!" The guy gave a very pleasant smile and suddenly removed his shirt to only show a belt of dynamite around his chest. "Say guys, if you can disarm this bomb in the next thirty seconds, i wont blow us to kingdom kum. Wadda ya say?" The man then pulled a trigger out of his pants pocket and went to place his thumb on it " 28 seconds left." He said very enthusiastically, as if the bomb ment nothing at all to him and was nothing more than a bouqet of flowers strapped to his chest.

"What in sam hill are you talkin' 'bout son?" The engineer said confused.

"23 seconds." The smile never left the mans face.

"Are ye daft? You cant disarm dynamite ya bloody idiot! You'll kill us all!"

"18 seconds."

"17 Actually." The engineer corrected.

The demoman hit engi over the back of the head and ran over to the strange man "Alright laddie, calm down. Im the bloody explosives expert, so ill get this all sorted out!" The demoman shuffled around the man as to hope that a solution would arise.

"12 seconds."

"Shut the fuck up engi!" The demoman shouted.

"Haha. I've already figured out a solution. Need a little help there... partner?"

The demoman just gave the engineer a glare and continued onwards with the situation. "There must be a bloody wire somewhere here that needs to be pulled."

"7 Seconds" The man stated.

"Argh!" The demoman yelled

"Seriously, i can help you here partner!"

"5 Seconds"

"No this is my field of work, i can do it!"

"3 Seconds"

"LET ME HELP!"

"2 seconds"

"FINE!" The demoman shouted.

"1 Secon..." and with that a loud bang was heard... not from the dynamite on the man, nore from a grenade of the demomans, but from the end of the engineers shotgun.

"Cant pull the trigger if he's missing his head!" the engineer smerked. "So whats that demo? 2 - 0, you better catch up or people are gonna think your getting old." With that the engineer holstered his weapon and pressed on forward with the demoman trailing behind with the look of despair on his face.

"It should have been me." The demoman thought, "I should have been the one to have stopped the man." The demoman man punched the wall. "And now im losing Nothing to two against the fucking engineer." He sobbed.

"Cummon partnet! Looks like theres an exit up here!" The engineer shouted back at the demoman. Suddenly another hole appeared right underneath the engineer as he took his next step and then plummeted down into a room below.

The Demoman ran over to where he once saw the engineer standing only to find no holes in the floor or any sign of a hatch or opening of any kind. "Ah!" The demoman said as he tryed to think of what to do next when out of the blackness appeared twenty oddly shaped men. They look disfigured as if mutated in some way and started picking up speed as they where heading in the demomans direction. At this point, the demoman could hear strange sounding growls coming from these men, so he thought it best not to stick around and started to head backwards in the direction he and engi had come from. "Fuck, either those are some otherworldly creatures... or me ex-wifes got some twin sisters i didnt know about." The demoman stopped for a second as to admire the awesome burn on his ex-wife that he just made, when he suddenly felt something around his ankle. Someone had grabbed him. 


	7. Its a Mercenary life for me

(Quite a long one this time, gusse i had alot i wanted to get out... you'll get that later...)

**Day 4... still - Back at the Fort**

Over an open stretch of road dozens of frog bodies lay lifeless with not so much as a twitch. Opened up like someone had detonated a stick of TNT from the inside, one lone frog sits blinking its massive eyes completely unaware of the massacre around it.

"_And 'e sang as 'e watched and waited till 'is billy boil_..."

Suddenly a sharp wizzing noise is heard for a split second. The frog sitting on the road suddenly bursts open like an over filled ballon.

"..._you'll come a Waltzin' Matilda with me_."

The RED Sniper rears back his weapon and puts out his dimly lit cigarette.

"And that boys... is jenga..."

A sudden burst of applause is heard coming from behind as the RED Heavy and Scout stand up and continue to clap. "Thank ye' boys, now iffin you dont mind, i gotta go give a call to Animal Control and tell 'em next time they dont clear out our bloody land of these little critters... i'll be takin' the game to them..."

The Heavy and Scout lean on the edge of the Snipers nests railing and look out over the vast desert that surrounds them and the sniper leaves.

"Y'know big guy, this fighttin' we're doing here, we're told its all just so we can have two bases out in the middle of the desert, but why?"

"I not know? Maybe Blu has something we do not? Maybe they have serum of everlasting life. I not care as long as i get my money for Little Sister..."

"Ah, how is your sis' anyways?"

Heavy looks down and grabs a photograph out of his pocket. Its faded and is showing a little girl with brown hair wearing a white dress and wearing no shoes.

"The doctor says she can help Little Sister but i do not know..." The Heavy lets out a sigh, "But says i will need MUCH money to help."

The Scout pauses and looks off into the distance as if looking at something in particular over the long stretching desert. He then walks over to the snipers desk and opens it up. Inside there is a pen and note book with randoms scribblings and the Scout rips off a piece and writes down a few numbers as he walks over to the Heavy. "If you could, would you do anything for your little sister? And i mean anything, no matter how insane the concept might seem?"

The Heavy looks over to the scout and slightly opens his mouth, closes it again and then pounds the railing with his fist "... Of course!...", The heavy looks down, "If it mean saving Little Sisters life, nothing could stop me-"

"Good!", the scout says as he interupts the Heavy, "My mom spent time with this man when we were staying in Brooklyn. I used to call him Uncle Andy, and he hated that, but he would always spend time talking about this big project of his and all these scientists that worked for him and i just figured maybe you should give him a call."

The Scout hands the Heavy the piece of paper as the Heavy looks over to the Scout with a confused stare. "He would tell me every now and then about these gnarly tests they would do on people and he gave me his number if i was ever interested, 'n' to tell you the truth, i almost picked up that phone a few times." The Scout looks back over to the desert, "Y'know, i just mean that, maybe give him a call, theirs no telling what kinda work he's getting up to now."

A smile creeps over the Heavys face as he out stretches his arms out and gives the Scout one mightly bear hug. "Thank you friend, this is one favor i will not soon forget."

Suddenly the Sniper bursts in through his door with his rifle and props it up over the edge of his railing. Franticly he starts looking through the scope all over the place as the Heavy and Scout give him plently of space. "Where is 'e, where is 'e?", the Sniper suddenly finds his target.. The RED soldier. As the Soldier runs over to the mailbox outside the front of RED base a sudden force comes into contact with the back of his helmet and the soldier falls over face first into the dirt. "YOURRRRR IIIIIIIIT!" The sniper yells out from his nest. The soldier gets up and brushes himself off as he yells back to the sniper, " A PART OF YOUR BODY HAS TO ACTUALLY TOUCH ME FOR IT TO BE CONSIDERED TAGGING ME!"

The Soldier gives a smug grin as he starts walking back over to the mailbox, "AND ONCE I TOUCH THIS MAILBOX IM SAFE AND YOU CANT TAG ME!"

Suddenly something catches the soldiers eye, he looks down and picks up, what seems to be a finger, off of the floor realizing it had come from the sniper and was what had hit him in the back of the head.. "Hah, the oldest trick in the book. He fingered me..." The soldier, having only just realized what he just said, throws the finger to the floor and stomps off. "Fuckkit, ima go play with the pyro, atleast he has some cool toys..." Once again having just thought through what he had just said the soldier's eye twitches and he walks off back into the base. "Screw it, ill just make myself some dinner, maybe a hotdog. Get me some meat in those buns..."

And so the sun sets on another day at the fort.


End file.
